Fear!
I had a moment a week ago that maybe you’ll relate to: An idea hit. And when I say hit, I mean smacked me in the head like a two-by-four. This idea was pretty well formed, although no details were included, but that’s not the part I want to talk about. It was the idea itself-it immediately scared the crap out of me.
I know someone could write the hell out of this story. It has the potential to be evocative, compelling, surprising, and emotional. The question was, could I be that person? Do I, in fact, have the chops to pull it off?
The truth is, I don’t know. I could knock it out of the park, or I could write the whole thing only to find out it’s not something I would want on the shelves.
This is a good thing.
Fear is healthy. Fear is the thing that makes us stretch, that takes us to the next level.
When we’re first starting out, that fear is very present. Can we do this? Can we tell a story that’s cohesive, that has a beginning, a middle and an end? That isn’t repetitive, shallow, stupid, derivative? Can we evoke emotion in the reader? Sadly, the answer is most often no. Most people who try to write a novel don’t succeed. It’s just the way it is. If it were easy, everyone would be published. Sometimes the answer is not yet. That’s a good place to be. It means there’s more work ahead. The apprenticeship is ongoing. With dedication and a willingness to learn, a willingness to be afraid and do it anyway, there could be a career ahead. To a few, the answer right out of the gate is Heck, yes! But even those who sell the first book still have - and need - the fear.
If you’re lucky, even after you’ve published a book, or several, or dozens, you can still be intimately acquainted with fear. It’s easy to become comfortable, but is comfort what you want?. Because the only way to be comfortable as a writer is to write what you’ve written.
In the interest of honesty, there are writers who have long, lucrative careers built on writing one book over and over again. There are readers who count on the sameness for comfort and ease and love those writers.
So, perhaps I should have said that comfort is the death knell for me and for writers like me. Writers who turned to writing because most every other career seemed too boring. Who need a constant challenge to get the juices flowing. One of the things I love most about this gig is that after 40+ published novels, I can still get scared.
I know Sven is about forming habits and giving yourself the opportunity to stretch your persistence, your dedication and your commitment. There are also a number of ways in which to fail this challenge: give yourself an unreasonable goal, create chaos in other areas of your life which gives you an excuse not to write, let one or five or ten days of not hitting your goal convince you that you can’t do this thing. It’s pretty easy, and a lot more comfortable not to keep your word and do the work.
But may I suggest asking yourself some critical questions - questions that aren’t just about the Challenge, but where the Challenge is representative of your ultimate goals - Do I want Comfort? Or do I want to prove to myself that I can accomplish that which feels undoable? Do I let fear own me? Or do I kick fear’s butt?
Let the Sven Challenge help you nurture your relationship with fear. Just as developing a pattern of writing on a daily basis will give you the tools to do the work of a successful career novelist, facing and overcoming the fear of the Challenge will serve you well with each new step up the writing ladder.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:13 am
I’m mostly terrified of my writing, so it’s a relief to hear I’m not the only one who feels fear. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me.
I totally agree that fear does give you an edge, and keeps you striving and trying and hopefully improving your craft, but some days I do wish I felt slightly less of it.
I think I’d like just a tiny smidge of comfort amongst my fear.
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:10 am
Fear - I spend most of my time convinced nobody will want to read a word of what I write, or that I’m going to get things so drastically wrong that nobody will want to read anything of mine again.
My last book was an absolute killer in that regard (it still is) because it’s a sequel to a reasonably popular book and I felt as if people were counting on me.
At present I contemplating writing two very different books concurrently, and that’s scaring me half to death.
Glad I’m not alone.
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:49 am
Jo, I’ve also had those “I’m not good enough to write this book” moments. I guess there’s no way to overcome that but to just write it and see. Isn’t it funny how a glorified pile of alphabets can inspire such terror in the people who create them? In my day job, I’m responsible for the lives and well-being of hundreds of people (I work in healthcare). There is a certain level of anxiety attached to that because I know even the tiniest mistake could cost someone’s life. But I actually feel a lot more confident handling that than writing a novel.
October 23rd, 2007 at 5:36 am
I know what you mean - I suppose it’s a sneaky swipe by the internal editor’s evil twin ‘why are you writing this? no-one will want to read it anyway’ etc. etc.
This is where ‘automatic’ writing comes in (the one without ghosts!) just write, without reading back what you’ve written, without tweaking. Just get it on the page and edit later - don’t let the self-saboteur take over. You have to believe in yourself, otherwise you’re stuck before you get started.
Hopefully - eventually - the writing will drown the self-saboteur out! ;oD
October 23rd, 2007 at 5:43 am
Excellent post. Fear, at least to me, is also challenge. If I’m afraid of something it usually means I’m in new terriorty, doing something or going somewhere I’ve never been before. That’s the challenge. That’s the opportunity.
I have an idea for a book that that is scaring the crap out of me. Have no idea if I can pull it off. But you know what? I’m going to try. No, scracth that. I’m going to do it.
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:14 am
My main fear isn’t of not being good enough to write some great idea I’ve had. *That* kind of fear I would relish. My biggest, and most insidiously growing fear is that I’ll never actually have any good ideas again…
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:14 pm
So very true!!
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm
That’s funny to read, because I’ve recently realized that there are 2 key scenes in my current ms that need rewritten–I took the easy route through them rather than the route that can make this story what it should be. My goal for tonight–rewrite one of those two scenes
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
That’s a great post. I love it. And I am going to bookmark it. Thanks.
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Oh, man, Jo, you nailed it. Every other job I’ve had bored me. Usually after two weeks. Bring on the fear!
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I love my characters and I love my story, but I’m scared to death that the book won’t be what I hoped. Thank you so much for permission to be afraid! Now I can use fear as motivation instead of a roadblock.
October 24th, 2007 at 7:45 am
I’m facing this same fear with my NaNo project. The idea is *great*. Can I come up characters and story to match the premise? I put a ton of pressure on myself, and I have high expectations for this story. So I put it off. I’ve had this idea for at least a year. I decided NaNo was the perfect time to force myself to take this challenge. If I don’t hit it out of the ballpark, well, I’ll get another at bat, right? Okay, I suck at baseball metaphors.
October 24th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Love the character and the stories but I often have panic attacks of “no one will be interested in this.” So this really hit home. Here’s to fear being conquered.
October 24th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
I love your post, Jo. Thank you for the encouragement. It’s something I needed to hear.
October 25th, 2007 at 1:46 am
Ooooh -love this! I’m back from vacation and ready to rock and this is the first post I’ve read while “in the zone” to particiapte… and its a humdinger! I love that fear. The nagging voice that points out that each page is pushing the envelope and making me step outside my comfort zone. Thats what makes the story strongest, I think. The ones that felt safe, that I felt easy with didn’t sell. The ones that made me go ACK are rocking tho!
January 8th, 2009 at 9:21 am
[…] to my friend, Tammy, I joined the 70 Days of Sweat writing challenge. The concept is similar to NaNoWriMo (which thanks to my friend Karin I joined as well) in that you […]