Learn To Say “No”
This is a particularly difficult time to be doing the 70 Days of Sweat Writing Challenge. The holidays are approaching and there are all kinds of busy things coming up. Shopping, decorating, cooking, visiting, you name it and the next couple months will be filled with it.
And in the midst of all that, you might also have a job and kids and family to take care of. And you’re also a writer. So you have to nuture a book admist all this chaos. How will you manage it? The only way to deal with it is to learn to say ‘no’, to let a few things go.
When you’re a writer, you can’t do everything. You can’t be all things to all people. It’s a hard lesson I had to learn, and I still suffer great guilt because of it, but that guilt lessons for me all the time because my writing has to come first. If it doesn’t come first, it doesn’t get done. If it doesn’t get done, then I can’t really call myself a writer, can I?
If your writing is important to you, if you want to make this a sustainable career, then you have to learn the word ‘no’. You have to choose the things that aren’t as important as what you thought they might be. And then you have to let go of them so you can carve out enough time to write. Because if you’re overloaded with too many functions, too many activities, too much pressure, you either won’t write at all, or the quality of your writing will suffer.
Which means you need to learn to prioritize. Of course your family is important. They have to be fed and taken care of. But there are always minor things that can be let go of. If you sit down and think about it, you can set a schedule so that during this oh so busy time of year, you can gift yourself with that precious time for yourself so you can write.
Don’t ever forget how important YOU are, how important writing is to you. And then be fierce about holding onto that time. Learn to say ‘No’. It’s very freeing.
November 13th, 2008 at 7:33 am
What an utterly fabulous post! I so need to learn how to prioritise. Have been writing for quite a while now, but I still find this to be one of the most difficult aspects of the life.
It’s all about the writing, and as long as hubby, cats and dearest friends are okay, it should come first on the to do list!
In other news, have been working tweaking and editing my main WiP and find I have increased it in length by 381 words since Monday. I think I can justify adding those words to my Sven total…
November 13th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I managed to crank out almost 1000 words in one day! That’s really good for me.
Your post was great–I’ve pretty much given up TV (except for Desperate Housewives and some House episodes), and I now have the whole evening to write. I don’t fuss as much with dinner either–like last night it was just grilled chicken breasts on buns with cole slaw. I can do the whole meat, veg, starch thing on the weekends and that’s enough. Hubby doesn’t care and youngest kid is off to college for her first year.
November 13th, 2008 at 11:03 am
This is always my problem, I can’t say no. Of course, if it is dangerous or expense I have no problem vetoing my kids, but when it comes to spending time with them or hubby I am a sucker.
I knew that this week was going to be hard for me because I had so many prior arrangements so I wrote on Sunday and edited my current wip and also added about 1000 words but I had vistors all day. They would come into my office and ask if I was busy and I just couldn’t say no, it’s like an illness.
I coach my daughter’s cheerleading squad two nights a week and go to the gym four nights a week and my son is an avid skateboarder and I spend Saturday’s at the skate park. I have decided to spend Saturday plotting and writing while he skates and I can’t give up cheerleading, but I can limit the number of teenagers that invade my house every weekend. I spend my time on the elliptical or treadmill plotting and digesting particular problems on my current wip. I am determine to meet my goal this time and refuse to give in to myself.
I guess what I’m saying is thanks for the post, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that can’t say “No”.
November 13th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I agree! I think this is a post that also reflects too many writing projects at one time. Stretched too thin…
We are, as a family, finally coming to an understanding on writing time. I get about an hour or so before they wake up and about two hours or so after I get home from the EDJ to get writing done. It took those magic words to do it, though. And a long conversation.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Excellent post. I’ve had to become nearly feral in my defense of my writing time. Saying no is important!
November 13th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Great post! I need to learn to keep a schedule! lol
November 14th, 2008 at 12:34 am
The oldest of my three kids is not yet 5 yrs old. Everything revolves around diapers, potty training, temper tantrums, preschool, and playdates. I find it hard to ever say no to them.
Until 8 pm when they are all in bed.
I have great motivation to enforce bedtime, because it is when I get my time. My husband is out of town this week. THis is good and bad — bad because I don’t get any help, but good because he’s not here to distract me after the kids are asleep!
I got 1300 words done tonight!
I’m still very early in my WIP, only a few pages of notes, some rough idea of opening scenes, so i know a lot of what I’m writing now is going to get edited or even deleted. Usually knowing that paralyzes me for awhile, but this time I’m finding it liberating. Who the heck cares if this isn’t perfect? I know it’s going to get an overhaul. Right now, I just have to find out what happens and who killed “Walden”! Grin.